Present, Undistracted and Connected Conversation

I will never forget a day maybe thirty years ago or so when my sister, four at the time, responded to my Mom’s query after a wedding, “Where is your father?” My younger sister’s simple response was golden and so on point, “He’s probably out knowing somebody.”

That was Dad. And quite honestly still is. Only in rare occasions is he “over you” and unwilling to hear your story. He’s the man that really gets to know you. And wants to. When you’re with him, he’s with you. Present. Undistracted. Connected.

I have a lot to learn from him and many of us do.

So how do we, in these times of uncertainty with the local, national and global climate, have conversations where we are present, undistracted and connected – even when we are in disagreement?

I’ve got some ideas and it’s why I finally decided to start my podcast, theTYPEAhippie Podcast | ChiCast after two persistent friends (thanks y’all!) suggested I do it.

  1. We need to ensure that we have created a safe space. For me a safe space is a place that allows me to feel physical, emotional and mental safety with the person or people with whom I am speaking. This can be both on and offline.

  2. I need to have my love lenses on. And it doesn’t mean that I won’t speak the truth, yet it must be done in love even when I’m pissed, my underarms are sweating and my heart rate is elevated.

  3. Step away if/when necessary. If you are truly in relationship with the other person or people, they will remain when you are ready to resume the conversation.

  4. Make amends quickly and genuinely if you have wronged another. Even and especially if it was done unintentionally. Just own it, clean it up and don’t do it again. If you do, own it, clean it up and do your best not to repeat this same injury.

  5. Self-care. Whether that is spending time with loved ones, playing with your dog/cat, massage, yoga, a run, shouting into your pillow, kickboxing, sweating your ass off, paying your bills online, cleaning your home, doing laundry or setting rules/boundaries. Self-care is critically important in life.

I’d like to step into rules/boundaries for a moment. When I’m watching my nephews and enjoying their youth, wonder and hope, I often need to not only set boundaries, but hold the boundaries even when I look at their cute little faces and see the tears in their sweet eyes. They actually enjoy boundaries even if their bodies haven’t connected that fact. Adults, like little people, need and like boundaries too. So stay healthy and hold people to your boundaries. These are my four rules of engagement on social media:

  1. If an article is posted for discussion. Read the article.

  2. Respectful discourse is welcome.

  3. Disrespectful comments will be deleted each and every time they are posted.

  4. Feel free to move on if this discussion is not for you.

Remember to breathe friends and I have no doubt you will find your rhythm in any conversation in which you find yourself so that you too are able to really know people through present, undistracted and connected conversation.

Chidimma Ozorinspiration